Getting SMARTER with New Years Resolutions

Good morning people, happy Thursday and welcome to our first blog of this year.  Happy new year to you all and here’s to wishing you a happy, healthy 2016.

Naturally as this is the first blog of the year we have to talk a bit about new years resolutions, especially the ones that promise self-improvement!  Some make them, some people avoid them, some say they don’t make any but they really do – in secret. Personally, I always make them.  I procrastinate from September, tell myself by November / December it’s not worth bothering getting anything new started now, I should just leave it until the new year – when of course miraculously – I will be feeling fresh and new and fighting fit and enthused and energised and inspired.  Then January hits and enthused, inspired or energised are not words I use to describe myself in January at all!

January.  It’s cold and grey and damp and as we all placed such hopes on it, it’s a let-down.  I feel sorry for January.  This year in particular – Jan 4^th has been the worst.  It was the Monday from hell that we all went back to work.  The trains weren’t running, it poured from the heavens, some smug sods were still on holidays or had returned from winter breaks with a tan, an engagement ring, a new puppy…whatever. 

I digress, but because January is always a little shocking and because I’ve had the same new years resolutions for about the last decade – none of which I have ever accomplished or stuck to – I decided this year would be different.  This Jan, before making new promises to myself I would try and understand why I keep making the same ones and then why I don’t keep them.  Isn’t the ultimate definition of madness doing the same thing over and over again yet hoping for a different result?  Well yep, then call me mad, because that’s been me (and I’m sure you relate) for too long.  This year I’m sharing my old and my new resolutions with you, plus the reasons why they have changed and how I changed them.  I’m hoping this will give you some food for thought in making promises to yourself anytime this year.

OUT WITH THE OLD:

My top 10 old resolutions, in no particular order, went something like this – year in, year out….

1. Get fit
2. Lose weight
3. Get healthy
4. Get a better job
5. Save money
6. See family and friends more
7. Get a boyfriend
8. Learn to drive
9. Don’t drink and smoke so much
10. Take my make-up off each night before going to bed

I’d start each January getting up nice and early each morning, arriving at the gym onto the treadmill and pounding away.  I’d contact one friend (that I’d probably seen over xmas/new year anyway) and set up an eve to go for dinner – not drinks as was trying not to drink/smoke so much.  I’d rewrite my CV and look online for jobs.  Actually I was lucky enough with this one to find suitable openings, go for interviews and get the jobs in most cases.  I’d rethink the “learn to drive” thing while I was still in London, I probably couldn’t afford it anyway, at the same time realising I couldn’t save much money as took a pay cut in my new role.  I’d take my make-up off most nights, until the one when I met my friend for dinner, ended up going for a few drinks anyway and coming home too tipsy to care.  Then I’d be upset that I was 3 weeks into the year, I’d been out once and didn’t have a love interest or been swept off my feet my prince charming yet.  Come Valentines day in February (or honestly a few weeks prior in most cases) ALL resolutions were over.  Does any of this sound familiar to any of you?  If so read on because I’ve found a way to stop all of this by adding value and reason to resolutions – thinking about why I was making them in the first place made all the difference this time.

IN WITH THE NEW:

This years top 10 is similar but check this out:

1. Find and run a 5k race for charity
2. Shift a stone/6.5 ish kilos before turning 39 (5^th September)
3. Eat something green with every meal!
4. Focus on my business, passion and creativity, finding paid work that’s fulfilling and fun – ensure I do one thing every day to get closer to this goal
5. Save enough money for a summer holiday
6. Meet at least one family member once a month / Meet a different group of friends each month too
7. I’m in a relationship now (whoop – sounds strange saying that and even stranger writing it down) so make sure we get time alone to build our bond – date nights, mini breaks, duvet days etc at least once a month
8. (Learn to drive when I need to – this isn’t a priority for me this year unless my situation changes)
9. (I’ve managed the not drinking so much already and smoking went hand in hand with the alcohol, so that’s cut down too – not a focus for me this year) Instead – drink at least 1 litre of water each day
10. Take my make-up off each night before I go to bed!

I would like to add as a quick aside; there are lots more things I’m hoping for this year too and not all are as self-centred as the above!  These however work for the purpose of today’s topic so stick with me:

I hope you can instantly see most resolutions are now more focused.  Adding value to each promise and reasoning with myself as to why these were a priority, I then used my own adaptation of the SMART goals technique to get to these. I thought long and hard about why I was making such promises to myself and why I wanted to do/change/better these things and even though I wanted to before, why hadn’t I succeeded?  

Well to start with lets look at SMART goals.

SMART stands for

Specific

ie lets get specific with each one – eg “Get fit” turns into “find and run a 5k race for charity”

  

Measurable / Meaningful

ie “save money” turned into “Save enough money for a summer holiday” so it was something meaningful that I was saving up for and I knew how much I needed to save too - making it a measurable goal

 

Achievable / Attainable

ie “lose weight” turned into “Lose a stone by September” which when you break it down is a sensible and achievable weight loss goal per month and even per week (if this is one for you too and you’d like more info on healthy weight management please contact us info@nitakothari.com) 

Realistic

ie “find and run a 5k race for charity” is something a lot of people do and a very realistic goal for me considering my current fitness levels

Timed

ie “lose 1 stone by September” gives me a clear goal of how much and by when

I’ve gone and added an extra E and R to make my goals SMARTER

is for End

Know when to end it, to stop, to change your mind and adjust your rules.  Sometimes with even the most amount of willing things just don’t get done or turn out how you planned.  You need to know, when the time comes, that you can adjust your goals/resolutions/promises and there is no harm, no shame and no sense of failure attached in doing so.  Letting go can be just as hard as starting up, but knowing that you can, sometimes prompts you to try harder at the start.

is for Reason

Make sure you have your own personal and real reasons for your new resolutions.  Make sure they are for you and for your benefit.  For example, when I really think about it my get fit and get healthy goals were both geared towards the “lose weight” one.  Really I didn’t care if I was healthy, I just wanted to be slimmer.  The reason I wanted to be slimmer was totally wrong too.  This year I understand fitness, health and weight go hand in hand but are NOT the same.  If you would like more info on this or how to succeed in your own weight management journey, fitness and/or realistic health goals please contact me on info@nitakothari.com for a free initial consultation, or for any advice and further info on this article. 

Remember, each goal is specific and measurable.  It has it owns reason and value.  For example: 

• I want to run for charity to give back to Macmillan cancer support – they helped me so what better way to raise money and give back than to do it with my fitness after recovery from cancer!  
• I am in a relationship with a guy who loves my lumps and bumps, but I’m still not at a healthy weight so have worked out a reasonable and healthy height/weight ratio I’d like to stick to. Also my focus is on getting the full nutritional value from the foods I eat to aid not only weight management but my fitness and health goals too.  Again for info on achieving healthy weight loss, or more details about nutrition and finding the best foods for yourself and your health, please just get in touch – info@nitakothari.com
• Saving for a holiday – of course there is a reason – I need a break! 
• Seeing the family, friends and building our relationship well the reasons here are the same for each.  Keeping good relationships is what keeps me happy.  In fact it’s a proven point that this is true for most, so working on relationships as a resolution for this year is my number one focus.  

Check out this TED talk about what makes a good life –

http://www.ted.com/talks_robert_waldinger_what_makes_a_good_life_lessons_from_the_longest_study_on_happ 

Finally, let’s think about how we get to these new, focused, goals.  We have managed to redefine them this year, but how are we going to achieve them all if we didn’t manage it before?  Well step one is done here – making them SMARTER helps a great deal to focus our energies and have that end point to aim for.  Do not expect instant results – this is another major reason a lot of us do not succeed in keeping to our resolutions.  Each promise needs commitment and work from you to achieve.  Building good goals and turning the process of getting to them into good habits is the best way I have found to proceed, so the next step I’ve found is to break down our resolutions to small and even easier achievable chunks.  For example when thinking of saving for a summer holiday – that holiday may realistically be in let’s say August. 

- So it gives you 7 months to save. 

- You may have to pay earlier but could do a finance deal if it’s a big holiday/hotel/operator/airline etc.  Find out. 

- Make a budget of your expected salary and outgoings and see where you can make the savings. 

- Seek out a high interest savings account or such, to help grow your savings as much as possible over a short time period. 

These are 4 steps already that you can think about for just one resolution.  If you give yourself a week or 2 for each step everything will be in place in a couple months and it will just be the saving to actually do and the holiday to book! 

There is a great blog piece here from the Institute of Integrative Nutrition – short, sweet and to the point - they talk about having one resolution and 12 mini goals – one for each month of the year.  I love this idea: http://www.integrativenutrition.com/blog/2015/12/the-truth-about-new-year-s-resolutions-and-some-useful-alternatives

Lastly Mind Tools have also offered a great piece on common goal setting mistakes that I found useful in setting my resolutions this year - https://www.mindtools.com/pages/article/goal-setting-mistakes.htm  so I thought Id share this with you too.

So good luck with your resolutions and relationships and your 2016.  I hope this year is fulfilling, happy and ultimately healthy in all respects for all of you.

If you’d like more info on achieving a happy, healthier year, please get in touch info@nitakothari.com where we can discuss our health coaching service and weight management program.  Or like and follow us on social media for regular recipe and tip updates:

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**Please remember this is advice ONLY (as is all other information contained in this blog, the website and social media related to it) None of the info or advice is intended to override any recommendation from your GP or health professional**

Successful Weekends

Following on from the article I read and shared this weekend – 7 things successful people do at the weekend - http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/weekend-habits-successful-people_559e7e54e4b05b1d028fbda2?ncid=tweetlnkushpmg00000033

from the Huffington Post Healthy Living edition, I was thinking of turning it around slightly and wondering how to actually make my weekends more successful – as well as less stressful, more relaxing but less hectic, more inspiring and fulfilled, while less rushed. 

Researching other habits successful people adopt at the weekends and looking at why we have weekends anyway, I found a lot of lists. Forbes offers us 14 things successful people do; http://www.forbes.com/sites/jacquelynsmith/2013/02/22/14-things-successful-people-do-on-weekends/2/

Lifehacks.com gives us 12 things under the heading of productivity;

http://www.lifehack.org/articles/productivity/12-weekend-habits-highly-successful-people.html

Most lists give us more or less the same ideas – for example the Huff Post focuses in on the following (all in a lovely info-graphic – I do love an info-graphic!)

1)      Plan (yep)

2)      Limit chores (you don’t have to ask me twice!)

3)      Reflect on the week (ok, useful)

4)      Mingle & Bond (socialising at the weekend, yep I can do that)

5)      Unplug (from all tech for a while….hmmm ok then)

6)      Recharge (does napping count?)

7)      Exercise (to be honest I do mine in the week and take the weekends off)

Weekend: 

To start with, lets think about your weekend:

“Friday evening until Sunday night; the part of the week in which many people living in the West do not work” (Cambridge English Dictionary)

“Saturday and Sunday, especially regarded as time for leisure” (Oxford English Dictionary)

“Any two-day period taken or given regularly as a weekly rest period from ones work” (Dictionary.com)

This guardian article also looks at the development of the working week vs the weekend and the Victorian work ethic – v interesting:

http://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2012/sep/07/west-work-ethic-social-ideal

Your weekend – or indeed any day(s) you have OFF from the working routine therefore are there to be enjoyed, they are your “leisure time” to recharge, after which you should return to work feeling refreshed and invigorated, happy and motivated surely?   Hmmmm – if you’re anything like me you start your Monday (or first day back to work) more stressed than when you left, so tired that copious amounts of coffee are your only reason for living, and usually still a little jaded wondering where the time went asking who hit fast forward for those 2 days and how come your To Do list is longer this Monday than last – Am I right? 

Well I’ve been wondering how this always happens and as I’ve got older and busier it seems to have got even worse.  I seem to have less and less time to myself, but more and more chores and responsibilities to fit in, so therefore find myself rushing things, getting them wrong, missing stuff, feeling stressed, anxious and sometimes getting frustrated (with the situation, with myself and with others) far too quickly.  If and when I do find 5mins to “relax” I feel really guilty for just stopping for a cuppa, or popping the TV on for half hour and slumping in front of it.  Why? – because there is always something else I need to be/could be doing.

I realised recently I really need to change of this thought process – yes there probably is always something else I could do and sometimes even should do, but a lot of the time….it can wait.  “Never put off til tomorrow what you can do today” (Thomas Jefferson) That’s the line I’ve always been fed and I agree, I do, I totally understand BUT I suggest that you add 4 P points to this:

My first P = Plan. The one thing I found in common on all research I’ve read is that planning your weekend and during the weekend, planning your week ahead, is the first step to successful, productive, happy days. “If you fail to plan, you are planning to fail” – Benjamin Franklin was right – right?

My second P = Prioritize.  Think about how important that THING is that could be done today or tomorrow.  If you don’t finish it today is it life or death?  Is there a deadline on it?  Obviously if it’s a job application for example, or something that has a deadline/time limit then of course do it today and don’t put it off - but anything else could still be finished tomorrow right, and if it isn’t even done tomorrow would it make a difference, would it matter this time next week, next month or next year? 

Therefore my third P = Perspective. Get your to do list into priority order and then add some perspective and objectivity.  Of course there will be certain things you can’t put off, or appointments or arrangements you’ve made, but take a step back and really look at what you’re asking yourself to do.  Make sure things that should be part of your leisure time, tasks that should be enjoyable haven’t crept onto the To Do list.  For example, sometimes I find myself thinking “I really must finish that book” because I know I’m so close to the end of a great read, and it’s been sat on the bottom of my handbag for a few weeks while I thought I may get a chance to read it but I haven’t yet, so think I will finish it at the weekend.  From this, after a couple weekends it becomes something I think I NEED to do, rather than something that until that point has been enjoyable – Don’t let that happen!

After I applied these 3 P’s, I started looking for a solution to the feeling guilty about doing “nothing” about spending time relaxing, sitting, stopping…..reading…. I figured there could be a way to focus on things that I could be “doing”, that were also relaxing, meaningful, productive and inspiring.  Things that would leave me feeling relaxed, but also feeling that I had achieved and had an enjoyable, rewarding weekend.  Things that didn’t leave me feeling I had wasted any time, but that I had used my energy well, while still recharging enough to face the next week without complaint or guilt...

So my fourth P = Productivity.  I think we need to start focusing on being productive rather than simply busy – these are 2 very different things and we very much need to recognise that difference. It has been found that prosperity is linked to productivity, rather than the amount of hours you are working, but what you do within those hours.  Remember Parkinsons law – “Work expands so as to fill the time available for its” so if you being are productive, you will plan time for work, rest and play in my opinion!

So, as well as the 4 P’s I wanted to share my little list of things I found I can plan and focus on during my time off (weekends) that help me feel I have achieved, that inspire me to do them again and that ultimately make me happy.  I hope you can take on some of these and they can help you too.

No nonsense ideas for a fulfilling and successful weekend include:

1)  Cooking

Of course my number one is cooking.  I focus on nutrition, on food and health – remember nutrition and nourishment is not only for the body but for the mind and soul too – so eating well and keeping active are both great, but we need to remember to feed and nourish our minds a little too.  If you enjoy food as I do, why not spend some time at the weekend cooking, making up recipes, trying something new or just working through a good old favourite dish.  The chopping, blending, stirring, etc can be quite relaxing as is the sense of achievement when you get to taste the finished product.  Baking is especially good for this as you get to lick the bowl and fill the house with the smell of cookies, or cake too! This is also a practical option as you will need to eat – you need dinner for yourself and perhaps the family at the weekend so instead of rushing around then bunging something in the oven or ordering a delivery, spend some time making a nourishing meal that you will enjoy. (As a side note, if you don’t enjoy cooking, a task such as gardening also fulfils the same roles, so maybe get out and potter and you will see your efforts rewarded when your crops, or flowers bloom).

2)  Writing

Of course no surprise I pick this too, as I love to write (ie you are reading the blog I’ve just written!)  but I find as well as obviously being practical in terms of communication, writing can free up a little space in my mind.  You don’t need to write articles or blogs, or essays or answers – writing for pleasure is slightly different.  You can still write with purpose, but how about a letter to a friend?  I know communication is instant these days but who doesn’t love a surprise letter or postcard?  Write to a friend you haven’t caught up with in a while and you might just get a letter back too. 

OR how about starting a journal?  I don’t mean a teenage diary type, how about a gratitude journal?  It has been said that showing gratitude is the first step on the happiness ladder!  You could start by just writing down each weekend something you are grateful for, then someone you are grateful for and finally something you are grateful you have done, you have managed, or you are proud of.  These things can be as big or small as you like for example you could be grateful the sun was out so you didn’t have to wait in the rain when the train was delayed, you might be grateful for the guy in the sandwich shop that let you in the queue before him while he was still choosing, or you could be proud of yourself for simply sitting and taking 5mins to do this today! It will become easier and easier each time to find something, and if you think of more than one thing for each category write them all down.  Reading back on this in a few weeks and perhaps doing it more regularly than just at the weekend will leave you feeling warm fuzzy and fulfilled – I promise.

3) Walking

Again no surprises I have chosen this.  As a fully qualified Walking For Health leader, I believe 100% that walking can make anyone feel better, feel inspired and feel a success. Simple, uncompetitive walking can bring an enormous sense of relaxation too.  Whether you nip out to walk the dog, are lucky enough to have a park or beach or river nearby where you can walk and enjoy nature, or whether you are a member of a walking group – I would fully recommend you just get outside and get moving.  Make sure you have some comfy shoes and practical clothing and go walk a bit, it’s free and pretty much anyone can do it!  You know even if you just get out and round the block you’ve done something – you’ve got some air in your lungs and got the heart pumping so should be feeling good and energised.  If you are lucky enough to take in some scenery then you may also feel more relaxed walking to a spot, taking a picnic or a drink and watching the world go by for a bit.  If you are in a walking group or getting out with friends/family for a chat too, it can become a very inspiring and creative time.

 4)  Reading

Again, no surprise as I mentioned it in the opener, but again like writing, I mean reading for fun – for pleasure – not the reading of text books, reports, or even newspapers with depressing, violent stories. Reading fact or fiction – that’s up to you.  Getting lost in a great book though can take you away, free your mind into another world and leave you feeling contented and fulfilled so a great mental boost and a great way to relax the body curled up or lying down while you enjoy your book.  It can also be inspiring and educational without you realising it.  Getting to know a character in a book can help social skills and help understand other people, personalities and situations.  Obviously reading helps keep your mind sharp and ticking over too, trying to work out plot lines and keeping up with the twists and turns you may experience in the story.

5)  Napping

Relaxing your mind and body at the same time does wonders.  Although I’ve said napping here, this could be meditation, guided meditation, simply lying down so your body is totally supported and at rest while watching a movie or cracking open a box set for example.  You may well nod off (as you may do when getting a massage) but this is all good!  Don’t feel guilty, if the mind and body need it, it will come and sleep or meditation really is one of the best remedies at the weekend to de-stress, to relax, and recharge.  The best time for this may well be after you’ve had all that fresh air from your walk, or vice versa – an invigorating stride outdoors after a short nap could make you feel refreshed (before returning to write that letter and cook a lovely cake for tea!)

6)  Getting lost

Perhaps on your walk, or using transport it can be great at the weekend to escape your usual routine, so maybe taking a bus you haven’t taken before or getting off at a different station.  Finding a new café, or park, or just a new area you like can be rewarding and if you don’t go and look you will never know, so get lost on a city walk, take a different train or tube line without any pressure.  It doesn’t matter if it takes longer, you’re not in a rush and have no real “destination” you will know when you get there. It doesn’t matter if it’s not your usual route – that’s the point.  You might end up finding a quicker, easier, cheaper, more scenic and enjoyable route to work or school, or a friends place, you might just find a great book shop, café or venue, there may be some great charity shops or a new view – take it all in and feel proud you’ve done it. 

7)  Getting creative

Hand eye co-ordination and repetitive doing IS relaxing.  Fact.  So maybe taking a creative course in jewellery making, knitting, pottery or something along those lines could be a good idea for a something productive (3^rd P) at the weekend.  You’d be learning a new skill while relaxing, so not wasting any time at all and you are more likely to meet like-minded people too so incorporating the socialising (the mingle and bond part of the infographic from the Huff Post).  At the same time getting creative, ensures you are using your hands for something other than technology – ie do it with the phone turned off, you can keep checking your messages when knitting or when you have a handful of potters clay!

8)  Volunteering

If anything ticks the box for being productive, fulfilling and successful in your time off - it’s volunteering.  I fully recommend this one.  However little time you may have volunteering is a skill you can use to fill it.  Any time you can give will always be appreciated by local charities, shops, hospitals, community centres, libraries – so get involved in your local community.  Volunteer some time to help, or share a skill, and feel good about it!

These points are of course suggestions to make your weekend more successful than just one that was filled with trying to complete the never ending list of chores – but at the same time should provide some food for thought as all activities listed are fully rejuvenating and – in my opinion – great to feed your mind, body and soul on your days off.

Make your weekend successful and fulfilling and on Monday morning or whenever you head back to work and someone asks you “good weekend?” - genuinely, and with a huge smile, you will say YES - even if you’ve spent it finishing your book, taking a nap and getting the bus to the wrong stop!

Weekends will never be the same again!

 

Let me know what you think and any tips you have of your own

Obviously this is not an exhaustive list, just the things I have done so far, and of course we could open many other doors and talk a lot more about stress, anxiety, or achievement and inspiration, connections, spirituality, meditation, relaxation or being productive vs being busy here, but for today I just wanted to share my list so far, so you can add to it and try things out for yourself if you find your weekends currently follow the same pattern as mine!

As always you can get more info via email: info@nitakothari.com or for consultation, workshops etc bookings@nitakothari.com

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 **Please remember this is advice ONLY (as is all other information and advice contained in this blog and the websites and social media related to it) – none of the info, advice or opinion is intended to override any recommendation from your GP or health professional**